I was five years old and on the way to church with my mom and sisters, my Father was missing. Sometimes he wouldn't come, He said NO! This memory is fixed in my Brain. I wanted to say to my mother, FUCK YOU! That was my PEA brain as an impulse, didn't realize in the moment, that my brain was not trained to extrapolate, it requires a focused brain, at least that is what my brain is telling me. Mother was for the artist a NUCLEAR Bug fuck BOMB, my young soul, my ignorant soul, my animalistic soul, it was not my truth, it just wasn't and fuck off if you don't like it! You can ask both my older sisters if you want to, in our thirties my sisters admitted they thought I wasn't going to make it, they treated me like SHIT! they were amazed, I GOT OUT ALIVE! What does all this mean? my world did not make sense to a five-year-old boy, nothing but unfocused grey matter in this cavern, my Cognitive Dissonance kicks in like a freight train rushing toward a Gas truck. My brain is going screwy, in my world that means BUGFUCK! GUILT fucking my brain, fuck you brain, FUCK YOU! The church was boring as watching a COMMunity THRETAR! GUILT is fucking my brain, guilt, guilt, guilt, guilt and more guilt> I didn't realize we were back outside till my oldest sister yells, SHOTGUN! she got the front seat next to our mother, we all wanted it but at the same time I would sometimes feel like peeing my pants around this VERY dominate, VERY controlling and very mean-spirited HUMAN. Mother was a very confusing way to grow up. The wind feels nice in my hand as I hold it out the window, MY WORLD WAS CRAZY, batshit crazy, Filters on top of Filters and more on top of that, every Mask was on as well, MY BRAIN is on fire, smoke is coming out my NOSE and Ears and Throat, my mind jumps to 2001 A SPACE ODYSSEY, a bone in one hand and my dick in the other, THIS IS MY BRAIN ON CRACK! SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! MY BRAIN jumps the track, track, ........track....................track.....track..................track.....full stop.......................cadon't. see. Can't???????????//???/??????????////////////////////////////////////////////...............................eyes open...............open..................hello?
