LONG FORM part 2

The birth, even though I came out easy, was very bloody. BLOOD is a part of life, it took me years to be ok with it, was never that fucked up, about my own, but someone else's blood freaked me out, all through my childhood, became an issue, that I had to pay attention to, because it could, and has, caused me to pass out a couple of times, once when family tagged along, with grandmother, to local hospital, to have blood taken out of her body, I stayed outside the room because just the idea fucked with my brain, the idea that their bodies were leaking life fluid. I made the mistake at this point to ask my sister who was looking from doorframe position.

I asked: how much they taking?

She Said: not that much.

I asked: how much?

my sister used her fingers to demonstrate how much, and the second I observed her fingers, I started to lose consciousness, next thing I know my body is going up and down, it was the doctor running to another room with me in his arms, couldn't see anything, but a white wall, but I could feel what was going on with my body, even had the thought-I am being carried. So now back to my own blood, never seemed to bother me much, when it was flowing out my own body, I always seem to think -IT will stop! and it always did. If we shoot forward to present day Richard, I have seen humans bleed out and meet their maker in front of me and it is never pleasant and its usually stays in the forefront of my mind for a while. Went through a two-year period once where about 5 times a day I saw in my mind different ways of me dying, always horrific, always brutal, always short and sweet. Funny thing is I was in one of my Forget about BUDDHA periods, so all it did was cause CHAOS and MONKY mind, with no relief in sight. Have shit tons of memories before 5 but the actual world and understanding of it, kicked in like a train at full speed heading right into a gas truck at 5. The way it happened affected the rest of my life and formed my position on Religion, that at 62 has not changed one little bit. We started going to Church, my mom would have to bring Life Savers, to keep me occupied and keep my mouth shut, this old white man in funny cloths was up on a podium spouting stupid shit about people, about other colors of human beings that didn't seem to be holding up their end of the bargain, they were troublemakers, well I am sorry but that was nothing but pure BULLSHIT! and I knew it at 5. About seven years later I found my first God and his name was GEORGE CARLIN, I did NOT prey to him, I did NOT bow to him, he had no dogma, he had no lies to tell, he had no dishonesty in his soul, he didn't believe in slavery of any kind, he respected woman, and he was a catholic until he reached age of reason.

JOURNEY